So yesterday I was looking for something different* to do, and I stumbled upon a local Holistic Expo.

*Different than raking the massive amount of leaves in the yard. Seriously, I do not live in a freaking forest – where did they all COME from?!  And I didn’t PUT them there, why on EARTH should I have to pick them up? Whoever spilled them should be vacuuming that shiz up, yo. PICK UP YOUR OWN TOYS.  Gaaaah.

The Expo description:

“an inspired event focused on sharing the finest holistic approaches available in the Upper Midwest. It is an emporium of gifts, products and information to support holistic life — including health, ecology, community and a balance of mind, body and spirit.”

Hmm. Sounds interesting. Finding my balance is part of why I’m here. And if I can find it for $9, that’s pretty awesome.  If I don’t, I’m only out the cost of a pizza, and I certainly do NOT need* pizza. Plus, gifts = jewelry, and what girl can’t use a little more bling, right?

*Yeah, as soon as we left the expo, we immediately went out for pizza. It was delicious.

I’ll admit I’ve always been curious about psychics and have toyed with the idea of getting an “official” reading done.  The closest I’ve come was a tarot card mini-reading done virtually by a friend of a friend, who said that the card indicated money was coming my way surrounding my career.  What she didn’t know was that a few weeks earlier I’d chucked my resume out to the universe after a couple of rough days at work.  Subsequently, I’d been interviewing at a company and was dangerously close to an offer.  Turns out I got that offer…but decided I didn’t really want to leave my current gig.  I talked to my boss, and he not only matched the offer, but he also gave me a compressed work week.  BAZINGA.  So it could have been entirely coincidental, but I can’t deny that the reading was accurate.

So.  Expo.  With the hubs.

Yeah…the hubs decided to come along.  I’ve mentioned before that our relationship’s had a bit of a shakeup recently.  But…we’re working on things.  And by “working on things,” I mean he’s groveling and being SuperHubs, and I’m selfishly soaking it all in.  And we’re talking things out. A lot.  And he desperately wants to be here, and wants to be with me, and when I reflect on the entire relationship, I wonder if it really makes sense to let one blowout on the highway ruin the entire road trip, and if we keep making progress, we just might be okay.

When we got there, we discovered that the tickets were not $9…but 2/$10. Score! Now I’m only out the cost of a a pint of ice cream* if this whole thing is a bust.

*You guessed it. I ate this last night, too. Technically, I didn’t finish it, though. Well, not until this morning, because, well, it was still THERE. Man, I suck.

The Expo had over 80 vendors who provided a huge variety of services that fall under the spiritual umbrella.  And apparently, that umbrella could shade Rhode Island, because it was awfully broad.  Sure, there were a lot of psychic mediums, spiritual counselors and healers, aura photos/readings (I had one done a while ago), Reiki/energy healers, and tarot card readers, like you’d expect.

There were also several jewelry vendors.  OK, technically, this was relevant because the jewelry was crystals and minerals and stuff.  But when you put it in wearable form I forget a lot of that. Because PRETTY.

(My poor hubs.  He thought he was attending a vendor show where he’d have the opportunity to flex his skeptical muscles, but instead was surreptitiously suckered into looking at MILES AND MILES OF JEWELRY instead.  HAHAHA #vindicationbling #allthatglittersisrevenge)

And yes, OF COURSE I bought something. Because I am weak I deserve it.  And I love this:

The stone is Ruby in Fuchsite.  The description of its powers: “Perfect heart stone. Enhances connection to spiritual realm. Promotes contentment and peace.”  OK, I bought it because it looks cool, but I can appreciate the message all the same.  🙂

Most of the vendors seemed to be in line with the expo’s description – but there were a few head-scratchers:

Health & Beauty items. Beauty?  I sort of thought the point of this inner peace and tranquility scene was to not focus so much on the outer shell of your soul. But there were a few vendors who wanted to fix your skin and cellulite all the same.  Maybe that near-death bright light is brutal on your complexion, having the same effect that dressing-room fluorescent bulbs have on thigh ripples during swimsuit season.

Of course, there were the ubiquitous home-based businesses for essential oils, and a couple places offered herbal lotions. One dude insisted on demonstrating his cleanser on the back of my hand. (Ooh, that sounded dirty.)  Normally, I’m pretty good at dodging aggressive vendors, but there were pretty, sparkly crystals EVERYWHERE and he caught me completely off-guard while I was literally distracted by something shiny. Fortunately, being surrounded by crystals and all, I was too Zen peaceful to punch him in the face as he touted the benefits of this cleanser while massaging it into my hand.

(To be fair, the cleanser was super moisturizing…but it had an odd smell that for a while, I couldn’t place. Then it hit me. Cumin. Cumin?? Was he…basting me? Is this how a turkey feels before it goes into the four-hour sauna?)

Diet aids.   Sure enough, one vendor was peddling some sort of 10-day Power Green “cleanse.”  Yes, even at a spiritual expo, the pressure’s on to lose weight.  <grumble> Dude, I can barely stick to a FREE diet for ten days. Unless it contains hallucinogens, or adhesives to glue my lips together, I GUARANTEE you I can outsmart it. (Despite the free samples, I kept walking.)

Another vendor was selling something called “Living Water.” Uh…living? I don’t know about YOU, but once I see Living + Water, that’s a hearty helping of NOPE in my glass. Water is supposed to be…well, not dead, really, but certainly NOT “living.”  And once you start using descriptors like “plasma” there is no way in freaking HELL you are getting that shiz anywhere near my gyro hole. Nope nope nopity nope NO.  The eerily-smiling vendor offered Dixie cups of what I’m certain was zombie afterbirth.  Startled, I darted into a chiropractic booth to keep the water from catching the smell of fear and chasing me.

A toe reader. Toe reader. !!!  This person was legit doing life readings by LOOKING AT PEOPLE’S NASTY SWEATY BARE MAN HOOVES.  Seriously. <shudder>

I declined, because let’s face it, feet are gross.  That said, I REALLY wanted the hubs to do this.  Why?  Suffice it to say he does NOT have pretty feet. I mean – three words: hairy, crooked toes.  (I’ll spare you the picture.  YOU’RE WELCOME.)  But it’d have been worth the cost just for the sheer entertainment value of horrifying the vendor.  Plus, I’m sort of dying to know what on EARTH disfigured fuzzy hobbit flippers say about a person.   But sadly, I spent my cash on pizza and ice cream (see above.)  Ah well.

A custom home remodeling company.   It escapes me how this is relevant, but these people are EVERYWHERE, so while their attendance was illogical, it wasn’t surprising.

We spent several hours milling about the different displays and perusing their wares. And I dove right in to my knapsack of adventure and took the opportunity to have not one, but four different readings.  (Apparently, I will not miss the opportunity to binge, even at a psychic fair.)

My readings:

• Two psychics – one focusing on past lives
  
• Palm and tarot card reading
• A tattoo reading (Did you even know there WAS such a thing?  Me neither.  Apparently, they read scars and interpret dreams, too.  Well huh.) 

I’m still mulling over the details of what I heard.  My mental jury’s still out on things like past lives, and I know this is only for entertainment purposes, yada yada yada.

But regardless, the experience was fascinating, interesting, insightful, and inspiring.   It was much like a cerebral fortune cookie – most of what’s inside probably applies to a lot of folks, but if I can use that little slip of paper to give myself a push in the direction of healing and peace, AND get a little something sweet out of it, it was well worth the price of admission.

Speaking of fortune cookies…Interestingly, much like the hallmark of Chinese food, about an hour after the expo, I was hungry for more.

So, in the meantime….I’d love to hear YOUR stories.  Have you had your cards or palm read?  Been to a psychic?  Share your experiences – feed my need until I can go back for more without looking like a spiritual glutton!  😀